


ALIENS SCULLY!

by IneffableFangirl_writes



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Crack, Dana Scully is tolerant, F/M, Fox Mulder is an idiot, The FBI's least wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:07:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23842750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IneffableFangirl_writes/pseuds/IneffableFangirl_writes
Summary: X-Files Crack! from the backlog on my computer.
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Kudos: 13





	ALIENS SCULLY!

The first time he does it, it’s in response to a snide comment she made about him probably jerking off to Ancient Aliens.   
“It’s not always aliens, Mulder.”  
So that night at the motel, with her mouth working along his neck, their bodies rhythmically moving together and apart, he says it--well moans it actually.   
“Oh God Scully,”  
She smiled, rolling her hips against his as he gasped again.  
“Aliens.”  
And she stopped.  
“Mulder what the hell?”  
His grin was enough for her to climb off of him and leave the room. When he followed her into the shower and the daggers she glared at him were shrugged off, he reached around her for the shampoo only to get smacked for his efforts.  
“Come on, Scully. You can’t stay mad at me. Admit it, it was funny.”  
He got an elbow to the ribs.  
Coughing in pain, he tried again, wrapping his arms around her waist, hot water running over and between them.   
“Give me a smile Scully.”  
“I’m going to give you a black eye,” she muttered grumpily, but she turned to face him anyway.  
“Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”  
“I can,” she grumbled and he kissed her. She allowed it so he kissed her again.Then again. One more time and she responded, trying to maintain her miffed expression.   
“It was pretty funny,” he said between kissing her mouth and sucking on the skin at her neck.   
“It was mildly amusing at best,” she admitted begrudgingly. He was drawing the skin near her collarbone beneath his teeth and she could feel her irritation fading. If she didn’t love the man so damn much, he’d be too irritating to live with.  
Mulder considered whispering aliens in her ear, but at the risk of not getting to finish what they started, he held off. Once she was trembling, her arms around his neck as he pinned her to the shower wall, only after she had cried out and relaxed against the tiles did he whisper it in her air.  
“Aliens.”  
She didn’t have the energy to smack him very hard, but she made an effort.

The second time he did it, they had both had a few drinks and were laughing between kisses, tipsy and relaxed. They made each other laugh, and when he whispered,  
“Aliens,” between kisses, she pushed him playfully and laughed, continuing their dance of laughter and touch. When they were significantly more sober the next morning, she rolled over and punched him in the arm.  
“What was that for?”  
“Aliens,” she muttered, and went to get an aspirin.

By the third time he’s learned to time it just so she’s too engaged in his touch to protest too much. He still gets a punch in the arm afterwards, but it’s worth it by far. Fourth and fifth times she manages to pause and glare at him, but he was already rolling her nipple between his fingers or stroking between her legs or sucking on that spot beneath her left ear that made her shiver. By time seven or eight he has it down to an art.

Endlessly amusing as he thought the trick was, Scully’s opinion had shifted from mild amusement mixed with mild irritation to mischievous indignation. Which is how Mulder ended up handcuffed to a bed stark naked while Scully, also naked, sat beside him, her hip against his, watching Ancient Aliens.  
“Scully, how long are we going to be here? I already said I wouldn’t do it again.”  
“Until I’ve had my revenge.”  
“You know that blue balls syndrome is a dangerous thing to happen to a man. You could lose this forever.” He attempted to gesture towards his genitals and failed, being handcuffed and all.  
“As a medical doctor, I can confirm that blue balls are not a medical phenomena, let alone a dangerous one. Now be quiet, they’re talking about the Mayan pyramids and aliens.”  
“Scully,” Mulder whined, and she shushed him again. “If you can make it through another episode without making any wise-ass remarks, I’ll uncuff you.”  
“And if I can’t?”  
“Looks like you won’t go into work tomorrow.”


End file.
